I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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