where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's never too late to be topless.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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