i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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