i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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