: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
