The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
