: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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