I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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