You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
