I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
