i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
