I showed him my bush... on skype.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
