It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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