Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
As shirtless as possible
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize