dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
