the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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