smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
