you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
