ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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