My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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