Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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