i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
