she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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