Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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