every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
