I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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