when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
