Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
