Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
