Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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