we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
