Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize