At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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