they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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