tell your sister to shave her snatch
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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