I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
