i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
