I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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