u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
