You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
