I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
