Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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