He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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