At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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