I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize