I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We got so high we made milksteak
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
