hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
