I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my shit smells like andre
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
