I'm jealous of your bromance
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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