In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Randomize
