Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
