Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I miss vodka workout Fridays
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
