This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
