you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
