listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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