So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
