do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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