his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize