how hairy? two words: wookie tits
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
