forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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