You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize