A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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