I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
