dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
