It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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