Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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