Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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