you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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