She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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