The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sorry about my life...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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