I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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