I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
50% drunk capacity currently
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
