I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
