Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
