stop calling my apartment porn island.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
