let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
