Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
