I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
