He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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