I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
