I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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