and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
