We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
