ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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