Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
