you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
sarcasm needs its own font
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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