she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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